Currently I’m caffeinating. All day, every day. Who’s with me?
This summer has been the worst “bug-pocalypse” that I can remember, except for the summer I was 9 and we had a swarm of 45 moths in our kitchen every night for the month of August. The earwigs have been particularly terrifying this year. Last night I had a nightmare involving man-eating earwigs, which obviously produced a state of skin crawling sleeplessness. In a hopeless effort to calm down, my mind wandered to the endless “to-do” list and my heart started stressing out over things-that-should-not-be-stressed-over-at-3am.
Insomnia is like a silent killer, and right now it stalks me through my days. It causes me to wake up already exhausted, keeps me yawning until naptime, and it robs me of the energy to approach my days with fullest joy. I am irritable, and make far too many mistakes. I count and recount the times I have snapped at my toddler, my husband, that other driver on the road, myself. Insomnia is a silent sniper, knocking off my good moments and reminding my heart of my failures.
Insomnia is also a little beneficial. The nights of earwig-robbed sleep have turned into nights where I accomplish so much. The sleeplessness is being turned on it’s head, because I’ve chosen to take advantage of the midnight hours. I’ve been trying to use these frequent sleepless nights to pray, to fold the laundry, and to do all the things that needed to get done during my overfilled day hours.
It’s all about redeeming the time. Making use of what would definitely be wasted hours- instead of worrying over things out of my control I can be doing something about the things that are in my control. I can enjoy these sleepless quiet hours and rest in knowing that I accomplished something with them.
For me, this has become my nighttime mantra: redeem the time. The days are long, the nights are longer, but the years go by too fast.
I made myself a little list of things I can check off in the wee hours:
praying - for my boys, my husband, my friends, my relationships
reading a new book
dishes/laundry/maintaining the household
prepping for the next day
and the list goes on...
Also on my list: get help and hire an exterminator. No more earwigs in my house (or in my dreams!), and I’m hoping that winter comes early this year.