On Forgiveness, Grace, and Dirty Socks.

May 24, 2017

“Honey, really?”

My eyes drift from the socks on the counter to the stack of papers and mail and then off to the pile of unwashed dishes left form this morning of this very long day.  

A series of not-so-very-kid thoughts and words play through my mind. “I cant believe this. Why on earth can't he just pick up after himself? Doesn’t he know by now that I hate the dirty mail pile on the counter where I need to cook dinner? What’s with the socks? I just stepped in a puddle of water. The trash is overflowing. Daniel is screaming. When is he ever going to just help me?” 

About to spew some angry words I quickly duck out of the kitchen and take a deep breath.

“Calm down Kendra because this is not what the end of the world looks like.” 

The Lord steps in with a nudge. - “Let it all go and give grace”  

"But Lord, I whine, I don’t want to. I’m tired. I’m on my cycle. I’ve been behind all day. EVERYTHING I do gets undone. I have told him a bazillion times not to leave those things there and to pick up his stuff because we live in a shared house with HIS parents and they probably don’t care for the stinky socks either. Why is everything always so messy?”

Another nudge. “It’s his home too. He’s just as tired as you. You love him. Remember that.”

Another breath. Inhale. Exhale.

Another nudge. GIVE GRACE.

Breathe. Inhale. Exhale.

Give grace. Bring peace. Grant forgiveness. Ask forgiveness. Pour out love. Hold back angry words and things you’ll regret. Stop the sideways glare that he is magically supposed to interpret (because God knows ALL men can read minds, right?!) 

And as I held back the flood of angry words and squashed down the angry thoughts, my precious, thoughtful, love-provoking husband wrapped me in his arms and pulled out a tiny box of chocolate truffles. “I knew you were having a rough day.” 

He puts the baby in the bath and I wash up the pile of dishes and mull through my thoughts. “How could I be so unloving toward him?” 

Another nudge - "Your man is part of God’s generosity in your life - the human heart to love you like christ loves the church." - Jen Weaver

Amen and amen. I put away the dishes and put the baby to bed. He puts away the mail pile and the dirty socks. Exhausted, we sit on the floor with our backs to the couch and our hearts glued back together and our fingers entwined. Inhaling. Exhaling. Pouring out grace upon grace and forgiveness for unkind thoughts and unloving words.  

May I never take him for granted. May I never doubt Gods goodness in my life. May I always continue to pick up the dirty socks.